I am going to get what I want in this life

 

I am going to get what I want in this life

I am going to do what I want in this life

I am going to pursue my dreams

Love as I please

Enjoy the simple things this life has to offer

Laugh at the paradoxes in life and within myself

Humble myself when I recognize I am off

Stand up when others are trying to walk all over me

I refuse to please a person who does not love nor care for my wellbeing

And I refuse to submit to a fool just to make them smile or ease his conscience

Nah!! I ain’t going out like that!

Life has taught me I have value and I do not need to give it away to the carnal and the abase things of this life

I want to be rich in my doings and authentic in my ways

I want to see the world and know what others experience and in that perhaps I can see God

In that perhaps I can have compassion and acknowledge and appreciate the differences in others rather than hate or be afraid

Take me or leave me, it matters not in the big picture of life

I have bent my back for too many fools and danced to please the crowd to many times

I have seen the pain of a degraded life and a dishonored woman

I have seen the pain of a degraded life and a dishonored man

And both often behave in particular ways laced with fear and pain

A life devalued and mistreated can only stand for so long, eventually the sinews break and the body and mind collapses

Nah!! I ain’t going out like that!

I will call to the heavens and proclaim my throne from He who sits upon the throne.

I will hold fast to the light that I see which is often hidden by this world’s darkness

I will reside in the joy that rests in my heart and my ability to overcome granted to me by God

And……

Who told me I had to sit on the side lines of life and pretend or be belittled?

But the bigger question is why did I ever pretend?

Why does another belittle and why would I believe the lie?

Did I do it to gain your love?

Love from someone who would never give it to me.

Nah!! I ain’t going out like that!

Love me or leave me, I shall still live my life.

I will honor all and be kind to my human race

But I do not need your approval

I do not need your love to give me value

I have been in the gutter and I have been face down

But I am learning what is real in life.

I am opening up doors that once were closed and I am confidently walking into arena’s that I know not.

I am not afraid to fail nor to be humiliated at my error because I am still in the game

I am still fighting to get it right

I am still a force to be reckoned with and my journey is yet at its completion

And I press on in spite of my errors

Laughing at my own fallible humanity

Seeking to understand, to grow, to love and to be loved

So, when I say

I am going to get what I want in this life

It is because I have lived to long in a desperate state wanting and having nothing

But now I know

I can get what I want in this life…